What We've Got Here Is... Failure to Communicate

My poor grandmother really has no choice but to believe her first grandson (not oldest, because screw you) is on drugs. Not prescription ones like Oxycontin. Not vaguely legal but not exactly completely legal ones like marijuana. Nope, she has to think I've got a heroin needle sticking out of my arm while doing lines of coke and washing it down with some crack and/or crystal meth. (Too soon for an Amy Winehouse picture? Yeah, probably too soon.) And something something acid and shrooms. For the record, and in case I ever decide to run for office, I'm not. (That's almost entirely true. As far as you know.)

Why would she think this?

Read More

Back to My Roots

As most of you know, this blog began with spam. I had some fun messing with a spammer until they gave up on me. Well, I decided to kick it old school with this post. Below you'll find my conversation with one Akmal Wahidah, Esq. Yep, Esquire. So you know it's legit.

Read More

An Open Letter to the Connecticut Department of Labor

Dear Connecticut Department of Labor,

I am writing to inform you that you suck. Wait, wait. It's not that I don't appreciate the money you give me every week. I do. No, really, it's great. Thank you for that. No, what I'm writing to you about is your TeleBenefits line.

Read More

International Man of Mystery

I want you all to know something about me. It's very important that you pay very close attention. What I'm about to tell you will most likely blow your mind, but it needs to be said. Are you ready? You sure? Ok, then. Here goes nothing...

Read More

May the Fourth be With You!

Happy Independence Day, everybody! Just a random thought: do you think English people are sick of getting their noses rubbed in it every year? "Haha, England. We kicked your ass. Now watch these fireworks and weep into your tea. You know, the tea we didn't throw into the ocean. Bahahahaha." And then the Queen is all "Oh, bugger off already."

Being American rules.

Read More

The Booking of the Face

Well, it's finally happened. I done went and got this here blog a Facebook page. I'll use that page as my primary blog-type stuff page. (Links to new posts, changes to the site, free iPhones... the usual.) This way I don't need to use my personal Facebook page as one big marketing machine. No sir, I can get back to posting links to sites people never clicked on anyway (your loss, that stuff is gold) and and making pointless observations now. Sort of like what I do here, but in little fun-size amounts.

Read More

Once Upon a Time...

...I took pictures. Lots of them. Some of them came out pretty well. Those of you from Facebook have probably already seen these, but just use this as a reminder of my awesomeness. Not that you needed reminding. Ok, without further ado, the pictures (after the jump):

Read More