Wednesday, June 22, 2011


In the past year or so, I've been guided to the works of Danny Wallace. For those of you that aren't familiar with his work, the Jim Carrey movie "Yes Man" was loosely based on Wallace's book of the same name. The basic premise of the book concerns the trials and tribulations of Wallace's life when he takes a fellow bus rider's simple imploration to "say yes more." One of the many paths this leads Wallace down is that of a relationship he builds with an anonymous author of an email scam. You've been chosen, yada yada, millions of dollars, so on and so forth, all we need is your bank account information, etc., etc. Seeing as he's decided to say "yes" to any offer that comes his way, Wallace is obliged to accept this heavy responsibility. He resulting adventures are often hilarious, and occasionally moving. (Ok, "moving" is a bit much. "Head-shake-worthy" is closer to the truth.)

As I find myself unemployed and therefore the lucky owner of far too much free time, I've decided to take it upon myself to similarly reach out to one of our friends in the spam/scam industry. I have assumed the pseudonym of "Plazt." This ingenious handle was the result of randomly pressing letters on the keyboard and settling for a combination of letters that sounded vaguely ethnic and almost entirely ridiculous. (Author's note: should your name happen to be Plazt, or should you happen to be in anyway affiliated with a person thusly named, you should know that this is entirely coincidental. You should also know that you or your acquaintance's name is both hilarious and unfortunate.)

The results of this small and insignificant experiment will follow. Hopefully. I've only gotten one bite so far, but I've only cast two lines into the SpamPond, and those were both 12-18 hours ago. Fingers are being appropriately crossed. By all means, please feel free to leave your thoughts, comments, incoherent ramblings, and/or profanity-ridden tirades below. Also, should you have any particularly spam-worthy spams in your inbox, send them this way and I will be more than happy to turn the spammy table on them.

But mostly, I hope these (hopefully plural) adventures leave you laughing, or at least vaguely grinning. Smirking is more than fine. Eye rolls are happily accepted, and sneers will be gleefully ignored and probably publicly ridiculed.

Your Soldier in the Infinite Trenches of the Spam War,


I'm craving spam and eggs now. Thanks a mil Josh.

@ddiggy - I don't know that I can ever make right what happened her today, but I know I wish I could. I hope that's enough for you. You will be forever in my prayers.

In other news, as I am quite clearly a retarded monkey when it comes to Blogspot, I have no idea how to set it up to people can directly respond to some else's comments. Any help in this area will be greatly appreciated, and more importantly will put you at the top of the "Free T-Shirts to Anyone Who Bails Me out of Easily Remedied Situations" list. These t-shirts are guaranteed not only to exist at some point, but to also be delivered to you almost definitely before you've forgotten why a strange and long-winded man has sent you clothing based on his inconsequential blog. And I stand by that.

In addition, if anyone knows how to edit a reply to the aforemention comments, I would be much obliged. Because I (hopefully) obviously meant to say "here" and not "her" in the 4:49pm post. Typos are no laughing matter, and I trust you wiil all act accordingly.

Typos are most definitely no laughing matter.

speilling and typeos duzn't kount on this internet.

By the way, your "complete profile" is woefully incomplete.

Also, we cannot forget the book E by Matthew Beaumont who had a character go on an adventure overseas to save a Princess. The wonder that was this book and it's sequel E2 (squared, this chick doesn't know how to make anything to the second power) were wonderfully enjoyable, just as I suspect the emails you send and receive to be good sir.

Well! This blog is off to a powerfully whimpering start already! Typos and grammatical atrocities aside, I'd say it's gone straight past poor and is stumbling its way to generally mediocre!

mediocrity is the new excellent

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